Crack of Dawn = Perfect time for a new post!

Hello again friends,

I have been busy and not good at blogging these last 2 weeks, so today at 5 50 am, I will catch you up.
My boss is currently out of commission for this month, so that leaves me in charge of the center while she is gone. I was so nervous today because it would be the first time I had to decide whether to close or open due to the weather, thus the reason I have been up since 5. I am grateful that most of Maryland is closed and that outside my window there's nothing but ice, making my decision quite easy and giving me time to blog while I wait for all the calls and texts from staff and parents. I had to leave the message on our voice mail this morning about being closed, and I think I had to re-record about 8 or 10 times. I hate the sound of my voice on the phone!I am such a nerd.

In baby news, I am now 11 and a half weeks and he/she is the size of a fig till Sunday when Lime week begins! I am pretty much out of my jeans and in denial about having to buy new ones that I could maybe, you know, breathe in. I have gone from feeling sick on and off to being hungry 100% of time. I just don't like red meat or chicken right now. I need to learn some self control before I gain a million pounds. My first OB appointment is coming up on Friday so that will be exciting and will probably make all of this a little more real.Wolf will be coming with me and I really hope we get a chance to hear the little heartbeat.

I have enjoyed this snow even though its not a whole lot. Wolf, Mike,Winnie and I went on a walk in the woods yesterday and it was so beautiful out with everything being covered in the snow. We kind of felt like we were in Narnia or something. Winnie had the time of her life running like crazy through the woods and eating snow. She's been a very sweet and cuddly dog this last month or so, very unlike her. I wonder if she senses the fig....

Today is my sister Monica's birthday. I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am that she was put on this earth. She is a role model for me, an encourager, a friend, and one of the most selfless and compassionate people I know. She always knows how to help in the best possible way at the best possible time. She is a Godly woman and a beautiful sister, wife, mommy, and friend. I am so glad that she is only ten minutes down the road from me, she helps keep me sane when I am feeling on the edge of crazyness. She treats me like an adult, not like the child I feel like I am most of the time and spurs me on towards God and maturity. Thanks big sister. I love you so very much and I thank God that you are in my life.

So here are some more serious thoughts. I know, they come few and far between, so soak them in while you can.
Pregnancy has been causing me to face the fact that I really am a worrier. I can always find something to worry about, and generally I am good at hiding this. I cannot escape my own brain though. Before I was growing this little alien creature I worried about normal stuff like work, relationships, money,dieting...and now throw a baby into the mix! Here's whats good though. If I allowed myself to worry like I have the capacity to about this baby, I am pretty sure I would be INcapacitated, so I had to try to sort through it and make peace.
Here's the thing. God is in control. He is the only one who knows if my baby is ok or not every second of the day, He is the only one who is in control of that beautiful little life inside me. I, can only watch myself expand, be as healthy as possible, and pray. Matthew 6 is all about worrying and how silly it really is. There is nothing left for me to do, but trust God with it all. Coming to that point where I can trust Him with my baby is a daily decision and when I can do that, I realize that I can trust him with the petty stuff too. Actually, not can but need to. I will not be content to be a control freak worry monster anymore, I will fight to find peace in God who has more than proven that He is able to handle whatever may come my way. I can instead focus on what God is actively doing in my life, where He's leading me, what He's teaching me, and who I can encourage and love on. Do I know if in 6 months I will have a healthy baby after labor that was a breeze? Nope. I just know that regardless, I have a good God who's gonna provide all that I need whenever I need it.

Jesus says it better than me, so I will leave you with Matthew 6.:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Have an excellent and worry free day!

It is so cold!

I am not enjoying the 27 degree weather without any snow...
I just want one good snowfall, during a weekday!

Anyways, weekly baby update:
-It's a grape this week
- I have a feeling Grape is a boy.
- I have a migraine.
- My belly is beginning to poof,probably only noticeable to me.It;s the only part of my belly that I just can't seem to suck in...

Not a whole lot to report other than that. It is nice to have a little break from all the Doctors visits. I am SO excited that 24 and Idol are back, annnnd House is back next week annnnd Lost soon after that! Sad that those are the most exciting things I have to report.

Oh, I know what I can talk about! I said I would start writing my car accident stories for ya.

Ok ready? Here is the 1st-ish one. There was sort of one before that, but it was so dumb and minor, it doesn't really count.

The first real one happend about 1 month before my wedding. I was super duper stressed out and crazy( you can be afraid when I have to preface thing's this way). I was having lunch at My sister in laws house with her and Lisa Svatek. I left to go and meet with the lady who would be making our cake and cupcakes for thre wedding. My car (affectionately known as Honky Cracker) was parked next to a big van so it was hard to see as I backed out, so I went very slowly. I see another big van coming, so clearly, I go to step on the brake. Unfortunately my foot had amnesia for a hot second. It hit the gas and I slammed into the side of this van so hard. I think it must have seemed like I was an evil little munchkin (ooooh, here he comes....whammmoo!gotcha!). The poor guy was so confused and it made such a loud noise that Lisa and Alyssa heard and came out to see what had happened. Needless to say, I was humiliated. Even more humliating, my trunk would no longer close, and my tail lights were hanging on by the wires. Duct tape...yes duct tape...held my trunk closed and my lights in. For abouut 2 months. People would point and laugh at me as they passed me on the road.
Honky Cracker is no longer in need of duct tape. But, the drivers side handle on the outside of the car does not work, therefore we have to crawl across the passenger side to get into the car. To add to its character, I also thought it would be super smart to pass a paint truck one day because it was going so slow while painting the yellow lines on the road. Now we have yellow tires and wheel wells.

Next time, I shall have another story for ya, but it wont be my fault!

Pray for snow!

Back to Reality

This week is not as hard as I had imagined. It's always difficult to get back to normal after being on a break. Work has been good and productive this week but not too crazy thankfully.My only real complaint is that I am so tired. I don't really seem to have the capacity to sleep deeply. I fall asleep ok and then I just wake up frequently and easily and never really get to that nice deep sleeping part. I don't feel so tired when I wake up, but then it hits me hard in the middle of the afternoon. I'm sure Kidney Bean(baby's name this week which is unfortunate because I do not enjoy beans) is also currently contributing to my exhaustion.

I had yet another Dr.s appointment today and it went well. Things seem to be progressing normally and my lovely Dr. is appeased at last!He is sending me off to an OB that he recommends strongly along with a letter to her about all my wonderful issues. I am also super excited because this OB is 4 minutes away from my house, hooray! However, it is hard to switch doctors after being with one who has taken such good care of you for so long. If you have any crazy GYN issues, I will send you right to him!

I am two months preggo now, and the strangeness of growing this little critter is continuing to grow. This week's cravings have been primarily focused on Tuna Sandwhiches from Panara with toasted wheat bread and chips, I have indulged in this two days in a row now and if I think about it for too long I will promptly begin to drool. Cheesecake with Cherries on top is the other one. I went to the grocery store last night after inhaling the joys of tuna, and got the stuff to make a cheesecake and a can of cherries to put on top. I came home, made the cheesecake, and went to grab the can on cherries. My mother has instilled in me an intense fear of food poisoning, so with that comes the ocd need to check expiration dates on things....even things that I bought at the store only moments ago. Good thing, because the stupid date on the can was 2007!!! What the boogy?!It ruined all my hopes and dreams of cheesecake with cherries on top....until today when my lovely friend bought me a new and appropriately dated can.
I am also happy to report that my hatred for chocolate is withering....hopefully that will continue and I can enjoy a lovely Ghiradelli Caramel filled chocolate by the end of the week.

Ok, one more quick note before I leave you.I don't curse very often but there's only one curse word that I truly hate. I said this naughty word today, a word that I very much hate hearing, much less saying. It was warranted though! I was driving up a road that leads to my house which is extremely twisty and windy and only two lanes with no shoulder. People often drift over the line slightly when coming around tight corners on this road so you always have to watch out. This person today did not merely drift the line. He was coming around he corner driving on the wrong side of the road completely and headed straight for me!His car was not anywhere near his side of the road. (Insert naughty expletive here). He swerved just in time and did not hit me, thank God.I feel that crazy drivers seem to drift toward me on a regular basis. In fact, maybe later this week I will tell you about more fun experiences between me and crazy driving people.

That is all for tonight, enjoy your week!

Lovely Vacation

Christmas was great! We had a lot of fun with friends and at my big family gathering on Christmas day. It has been wonderful to be at home and relax this week. Wolf and I are both off until Monday the 5th and we are attempting to be productive while we are home. The big mission for the week is our storage room. It is waaaaay out of control. Wolf started on it already and has made a lot of progress but there is still a lot to do. He is very sick with a terrible sinus infection so that project is on hold till his antibiotics kick in.

Baby Wolf is "Blueberry" this week. Blueberry is making his?/her? presence more known each day. I am increasingly sleepy and sicky feeling. I feel like I am going through some sort of cracked out pms, my emotions are all over the charts. I am also slowly beginning to outgrow my clothes..already.It's all good though because in 7 months, I get a baby!

For your entertainment, here are a couple of strange things that will make you laugh that have been preggo induced.

1. I cried when I woke up one morning and there was no ginger ale left. Generally, i average about one or two cries per year. I feel that this average may go up in '09.

2. I began to cry when one of my co-workers gave a me a blanket for the baby that has monkeys all over it, I love monkeys!

3. I hate chocolate all of a sudden.Tragic! I miss my peanut butter cups.

4. I want to eat subway everyday.

5. I am craving alchohol, but not giving in.

6. I wake up to pee several times a night.


I am sure I will continue to add to this list as we go along.

I am hoping to steer clear of this yucky sinus infection so that I can make good use of the rest of the week. We shall see how that goes!

Happy almost New Year!

Merry Christmas!

This will be short because I have many things to do! I went and had my third sonogram today and it was very exciting! Last week, they could only see the sack and not the baby or anything. Today, I saw my tiny little lentil sized baby and the heartbeat!!
This all means that my baby is in the right place and is currently healthy:).

Little Lentil totally made my Christmas today.

Thanks God for such an incredible present.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed holiday. I have been thinking a lot about how grateful I am for the beautiful people in my life and I am so excited to spend the holidays with my family and friends that I love so much.
I feel truly blessed.

Thank you to all of you who have been encouraging me and praying for us. It means a lot to me and I have definitely felt deeply cared for.

I will be blogging again soon after Christmas:)

Sesame!

Our little Poppy has already grown into a Sesame! Little Sesame and I have had quite a week.
Last Sunday is when I found out I was pregnant, so that obviously was very exciting and happy. Monday, I called the Dr. to tell him I was pregnant and let him know that I have been having a lot of abdominal pain for a couple weeks. I thought this was pretty normal because the whole reason I checked to see if I was pregnant was because my mom had similar pain during the beginning of her first pregnancy. Apparently, its not so normal and is alarming for a person like me with endometriosis. So, I was sent to the ER (aka-my home away from home). We got there around 11 am and I seriously wasn't super worried about anything, my body is weird so I expect my pregnancy to be weird. It wasn't until two hours later when I spoke to the Triage nurse that I began to be concerned.
MTN= mean triage nurse.

MTN: So you have been having some cramping?
Me: Yes
MTN: And I see you have a history of endometriosis
Me: Yes
MTN: And you're pregnant?
Me:Yes
MTN: Well that could mean you have an ectopic pregnancy.
Me: What's that?
MTN: Oh well its potentially fatal for you and there's nothing they can do for the baby.it's when the baby is growing somewhere other than inside your uterus. If its not caught in time, it will rupture.
Me: Ummm ok....
MTN: Ok, go ahead and go back to the waiting room and we'll call you when we're ready for your sonogram.

What has happened to bedside manner?At this point, my heart was pounding and I was starting to feel heart broken. How the heck can this woman make such a presumption after checking my temperature and blood pressure and asking a couple questions??
So, we waited...and waited...for a long time. Then another hour and a half later, I get called back for the ultrasound. The tech told me that sometimes she can see and sometimes she cant, so I kept asking her if she saw anything and all she said was "no" and "have you had any bleeding??". Then I was shipped back into the waiting room and I was barely holding it together. I cannot believe how much I already loved this poppy seed sized kiddo that I had only known existed for less than 24 hours. I really felt discouraged and so incredibly sad.
We waited for another 2 hours and got called for some more tests. MTN was just as cheery and encouraging as ever and it was becoming more and more difficult to hold myself together.
Meanwhile, my peaceful and sweet husband was a rock. He kept reminding me that God is in control and that all we can do is trust Him. He definitely kept me sane.

Finally around 5 I got called into a room by a wonderful nurse who was a friend of a friend. That was like a present from Jesus Himself. She was so incredibly kind and encouraging and excited for my baby instead of assuming the worst. The Dr. came in soon after that and basically told me it could be tons of different things but that its too early to tell. Then I went home.

I continued having increasing pain, pain like I have never before experienced and my fear continued to grow. Then, Thursday came around...the Hospital called and said this, "Hi, when you were in here on monday, your pee looked normal but it turns out that you have a bad bladder infection".
Huh, welp that was a relief! A wee bit annoyed at how things were handled, but mostly relieved. This is definitely the first and probably only time I will ever be happy to have a UTI.

My own lovely Dr. is not overly concerned and his instincts are that things are gonna be ok, but he's obviously keeping a close watch on things.

Good and important lessons learned after this roller coaster kind of week:
God is good, and He is so much bigger than me.
I need to have more faith.
Worry, fear, and anxiety are not helpful.
God hears me and responds in His way and time.
My husband is absolutely perfect for me.
I have an unbelievably amazing group of friends.
I gotta learn to trust God daily with the little things so that I am in good practice for the big things that come along.

Alrighty, I have gone on for long enough.
Keep on praying for little Sesame, whose heart will start to beat this week!

Poppy, not to be mistaken with poopy

It's been a month since I have blogged. There just wasn't a whole lot to write about.
The past couple of months have been pretty nuts. I have had four surgeries in 5 years for a condition I have called Endometriosis. It's a girly disease. I have an unusually aggressive form of this and it enjoys to attack my internal organs. There are not a whole lot of treatments, and after my last surgery in October, my doctor told me I had two options for treatment to avoid serious and potentially life threatening complications.Ready for the options??

1. Menopause- they put you on drugs for 6-9 months that throw you into artificial menopause. I have already done this and my body reacted horrendously to the drugs, to the point where I could not physically function in everyday life.It was hands down the worst 9 months of my life. The only difference this time, is that they have a new drug that is paired with it, which increases the side effects. What fun!


2. Get pregnant by August 09


So, we opted to try for the baby.

I guess this was the right time, because after our first month of trying... I am pregnant!

Four weeks. It's so early that anything could happen, but I am (trying really hard) to trust God with our little baby who is currently the size of a Poppy Seed. We have decided to call the baby whatever its being compared to in size that week. Week 4 is poppy seed week.


I am considered a high risk pregnancy because of all my issues, so I am being closely monitored by my wonderful doctor. I think he was my favorite person to tell. He is very sweet, but not the most emotional man. When he walked in to see me today, he was beaming! I would even go as far as to say that he was giddy with joy. He then proceeded to tell me how we "didn't waste any time", and "i am so happy" and "i am so proud of you guys!". He walked me through my records and surgeries and explained in detail why it is so wonderful that I am going to have a baby.

I have to get blood tests twice a week, sonograms once a week, and a doctor visit weekly until he is satisfied that its all good. Apparently I am also on a special"list" of people who if they call, they get put through to my dr. at any time of day, no matter what. So, as crazy as this all is, I feel well taken care of.

I know most people like to wait a while before they tell people they are pregnant to make sure that everything's ok, and I totally understand why. However for me, that doesn't work. First, because I am not good at keeping happy secrets, and also, being so high risk, I want the people I care about to know and pray for our baby and for us as soon as possible! If we have to go through something hard, we will be glad to have amazing family and friends in our lives to walk and pray us through it.
Telling people has been my favorite part.

here are some of my favorite reactions...

"You're pregnant? How'd that happen??"
" What did you say? I don't think I heard you... No, you're playing a mean trick on me...no you're pulling my leg"-mom

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
-i will give you one guess who that was, anyone?


We are so overjoyed and so thankful for this. Thanks to all of you who have already been praying for us and with us. Thanks for all the encouragement and excitement. We feel really loved. Please keep praying for Poppy and for us as we begin this crazy new adventure. Feel free to give any advice you might have to share!

I will let ya know what Poppy's name is next week:).